With the rise of the deconstruction movement, and the internet making connection more accessible and isolation more difficult to enforce, survivors of religious trauma are coming forward in droves. Our stories are being heard in greater numbers than ever before. Documentaries are going mainstream exposing the atrocities committed by various Christian denominations. Because of our bravery, its finally coming to light in recent years just how toxic the Evangelical church is, especially through the lens of mental health.

Its getting harder for the church to hide their narcissistic and abusive behavior. It’s becoming more obvious that gaslighting is their weapon of choice. Perhaps the ultimate form of this gaslighting is consistently lying about the source of, and solutions for, mental illness.

Congregants are constantly attacked with “Do not be anxious about anything, but make your requests known to God” and “Depression is a strategy of the enemy. Trust God and give it to him!”, “God wants healing for you, all you have to do is pray.” “Stop acting hopeless like unbelievers – continue in the joy of the Lord and abide in his peace.”

While the Evangelical Church would have us think that mental illness is a result of disobedience, many are discovering that for them, the church itself is actually the cause of their mental health struggles. Following their teachings means living constantly on edge, trying to please everyone all the time. It means being responsible for other people’s emotions in order to avoid rumors and judgment and straight up attacks on our lives. Unsurprisingly this leads to chronic and crippling anxiety. Faithful involvement with your neighborhood congregation often means being trapped in a suffocating group that consistently insists you are evil and flawed to your core. It means being surrounded with reminders that you are worthless if not for God’s pity. Obviously this can develop into life-destroying depression. Being beaten into submission both physically and emotionally, and then rejected, betrayed and shunned for looking different usually causes Post Traumatic Stress and a lifetime of severe dysregulation.

The narrative handed to us in church is that mental health issues are a symptom of not being devout enough. But in fact, it is precisely our very devotion and commitment to the church that erodes our mental health! If we were less devout, we would also be less damaged. The closer you are to the flame, the worse you get burned.

If we seek help, we are met with “You aren’t trusting God enough” “Spend more time at church” “delve deeper into your faith” “repent!” but its those very actions that hurt us in the first place. If, in our attempts to heal, we listen to those we’ve been conditioned to obey, we become more and more exposed to the source of our painful symptoms.

It’s quite a clever plan, when you think about it. It’s easier to manipulate and control those who are mentally ill, so helping us heal isn’t in the church’s best interest. Blaming the sickness on the patient and not on the disease keeps us right where they need us. Convincing us the contagion is actually the cure traps us in a loop. Desperate people take desperate measures and most of us will keep clinging to dynamite if we truly believe it will relieve our pain. After all, our religion has the solution to everything. We just need to stop relying on our own understanding, turn off our minds and do what we’re told.

Shame on you, church!

My only consolation is knowing the truth is coming out brighter and louder now and people are fleeing at a higher rate than ever before. Deep, dark secrets are exposed en masse – the oppressors’ worst nightmare. It is a slow and arduous battle, but we are on the winning side of history. We’ll weaken the enemy and take that victory with our own stories as our weapon of choice.