Reflections

  • Reflections,  Trauma Healing

    Why Me?

    Why me?
    Why was I the one who got away?
    Was I somehow special?
    Was I just lucky to be exposed to a different viewpoint? No…I’ve seen others presented with the same information and respond differently.
    So…Why me?

    Why me?
    Why did I leave?
    Was I different from birth?
    Is there something in my genetics that makes me question everything? Something that makes me less likely to follow blindly? No… my sister has the same genetics and she continues to dive deeper in.
    So…why me?

    Why me?
    Why did I have the epiphanies?
    Did an outside force change me along the way?
    Did something happen in my childhood that made me realize something wasn’t right? No… My sibling and I shared most of the same childhood experiences and I’m the only black sheep.
    So…why me?

    Why me?
    Why did I wake up to the inconsistencies, harsh judgments and lies?
    Am I more compassionate? Certainly more than some, but no… that’s not it – I know plenty of compassionate, misguided people.
    So…why me?

    Why me?
    Why did I learn to think for myself when I was trained not to, and the cost was so incredibly high?
    Am I wiser? Bestowed upon by the Spirit? No…that doesn’t seem right. I’ve seen many people ask God for wisdom, yet come away with different conclusions.
    So…why me?

    Why me?
    Why did I rebel when I was always so obedient before?
    Was I chosen? By whom? No…I doubt it. Certainly there are others more capable who could have been called out and enlightened. Those with more bravery, charisma, charm…
    So…why me?


    Why me?
    Why did I escape?
    Where did I find the strength to willingly lose everything? How did I gain the resolve to pick apart my entire reality? Perhaps I was equipped by the God I was accused of rejecting. But no…It doesn’t make sense for God to rescue me and not the others.
    So…why me?

    Why me?
    Why was I given a second chance at life, even while I was so narrow-minded? Where did I learn to start again from scratch?
    Am I following my true calling now? No…I’m not doing anything grand – just taking care of myself and my loved ones and trying to be happy.
    So…why me?


    Why me?
    Why do I now have this life I call my own?
    Why do I get to finally say I am safe? Scarred and broken, but free?
    Was it just some random happenstance? A meaningless coincidence? No…I feel a sense of purpose deep in my bones, and though my life isn’t impressive somehow it is still enough. Back then, I was never enough.
    So…why me?


    Am I special?
    Am I lucky?
    Am I different?
    Am I chosen?
    Am I called?
    I will never know
    I will always wonder
    Why me?