The Long Road Home

What if home is somewhere I’ve never been? Will I recognize it when I arrive?

What if home is feeling safe? Will I know what that’s like?

What if home is down a long and dusty road? Can I make it that far?

Some people are born home, others find it. Some leave home, others have it taken from them. A few of us nomads aren’t sure if we can even define it.

I can’t go back, to the past, it was full of fear. I long to move forward, at last, but I’m stuck here.

I was born different; a visitor in a foreign land. But I imagine home is a place to rest, not obligated to impress.

I believe home is acceptance, valued as we are. Not appeasing the masses to keep our image unmarred.

Home is healing, patching up our wounds. Home is freeing, not indebted to who hates you.

I thought I had a home – raised in a kind family. But our lives were tied up in cruel religiosity.

Ugly ducklings are bullied to blend in, the scapegoat is sent far away. The black sheep ostracized; some of us are deemed unworthy by holy pious eyes.

My parents did the best they could, while ruled by reverence and a call to obey. Their love was chained to “can’ts” and “shoulds”, governed like vulnerable prey.

I grew up and thought I found a place to belong – their faith was “progressive”, their tenets impressive, but ultimately they let me down.

Acceptance, but with a limit. And only the right kind of empowerment

Favoritism and cliques – I’ve never been the golden child. Promises for misfits – but they didn’t follow through after a while.

I never really found a home, so I created my own; building a life my daughter won’t have to heal from.

I made a beautiful family, surrounded myself with a haven of love. I am happy, but my healing isn’t done.

Shedding shame of being broken and bad, shunning lies from the community I never had.

Releasing anxiety from anticipating my rejection, managing anger at evil and corruption.

Fleeing the fear of horrors and hellfire, after years of earning my keep…I’m tired.

I see this journey will last all my life, but I’m starting to feeling whole again. It’s brighter on the horizon now… Each day somewhere I’ve never been.

Follow that light and those good feelings and you won’t lose your way. Trust yourself, listen to your needs, and you’ll be okay.

Don’t worry, I know its true – the pilgrimage won’t fail you.

Healing is the long road home.