Poetry,  Religious Trauma,  Spirituality

The End of the Familiar

Fear is not always a sign that you are on the wrong path. Sometimes it’s just the end of the familiar path.

It’s when, instead of shrinking back, you decide to step forward in faith through that blinding wall of fear that you can then clearly see the beautiful reason why you were called there.

Sometimes when you reach the end of what you “can” do, you find yourself doing what you were made to do. And you will never be the same.


I wrote this in the early days of my deconstruction journey. Those lonely, bleak days, where you can’t go back but pressing ahead is inconceivable too. Caught between two worlds, the only way forward is pain and staying put is self destruction. Rethinking every building block of “truth”, tearing down the foundation, is suffocatingly terrifying. Exploring into the unknown totally alone, blazing new trails. Any sense of safety and security crumbles; like falling through a dark bottomless pit…falling, falling, falling. Some days reality itself is slipping away.

But through losing the familiar me and the only world I had ever known, I found a stronger, wiser, more powerful, safer me; I realized I make myself safe, no one else. I found beautiful sacred miracles that were invisible in the old world. I discovered goodness that was previously promised yet turned up empty. I found a magical realm never before imagined. It is all worth it, if only you can survive passage through the blinding wall of fear.

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