What if home is somewhere I’ve never been? Will I recognize it when I arrive?

What if home is feeling safe? Will I know what that’s like?

What if home is down a long and dusty road? Can I make it that far?

Some people are born home, others find it. Some leave home, others have it taken from them. A few of us nomads aren’t sure if we can even define it.

I can’t go back, to the past, it was full of fear. I long to move forward, at last, but I’m stuck here.

I was born different; a visitor in a foreign land. But I imagine home is a place to rest, not obligated to impress.

I believe home is acceptance, valued as we are. Not appeasing the masses to keep our image unmarred.

Home is healing, patching up our wounds. Home is freeing, not indebted to who hates you.

I thought I had a home – raised in a kind family. But our lives were tied up in cruel religiosity.

Ugly ducklings are bullied to blend in, the scapegoat is sent far away. The black sheep ostracized; some of us are deemed unworthy by holy pious eyes.

My parents did the best they could, while ruled by reverence and a call to obey. Their love was chained to “can’ts” and “shoulds”, governed like vulnerable prey.

I grew up and thought I found a place to belong – their faith was “progressive”, their tenets impressive, but ultimately they let me down.

Acceptance, but with a limit. And only the right kind of empowerment

Favoritism and cliques – I’ve never been the golden child. Promises for misfits – but they didn’t follow through after a while.

I never really found a home, so I created my own; building a life my daughter won’t have to heal from.

I made a beautiful family, surrounded myself with a haven of love. I am happy, but my healing isn’t done.

Shedding shame of being broken and bad, shunning lies from the community I never had.

Releasing anxiety from anticipating my rejection, managing anger at evil and corruption.

Fleeing the fear of horrors and hellfire, after years of earning my keep…I’m tired.

I see this journey will last all my life, but I’m starting to feeling whole again. It’s brighter on the horizon now… Each day somewhere I’ve never been.

Follow that light and those good feelings and you won’t lose your way. Trust yourself, listen to your needs, and you’ll be okay.

Don’t worry, I know its true – the pilgrimage won’t fail you.

Healing is the long road home.

It takes courage to be who you really are;
Just you and nothing and nobody else.

Unveiled for the world to see.
No masks. No apologies.

But it’s not always as simple as having guts;
Not always as easy as being fierce.

Owning yourself takes dedication and grit, but also fortune and fate.
Breaking away requires strength and commitment, courage and … privilege.

Freedom requires hard work and firm boundaries and lots of good luck,
Because courage won’t get you very far swimming with sharks.

Not everyone is safe leaving the shadows, stepping out into the light.
Not everyone will be loved and supported if they come out of the closet.

Not everyone has the privilege of ruffling feathers or the safety net to rock the boat;
Fallout isn’t distributed equally.

Sometimes the brave thing is to keep hidden until it’s the right time or place.
Sometimes it’s the strong thing to keep up an act when you so badly want to quit.

Not everyone is timid who waits,
Not all are scared who test the water or linger just inside the mouth of the cave.

It’s wise to recognize “these people don’t deserve my authenticity”.
It’s prudent to spend your change wisely, to weigh the necessity of being a sacrificed lamb.

When the time is right, you will know
Deep down if the only obstacle is fear or pride.

Protecting yourself is valiant; a calculated escape, equally bold.
In the meantime don’t lose heart, stay the course; strategizing, planning and waiting, choosing moves carefully.

Some warriors battle the front lines, publicly heroes.
Others fight in secret, never celebrated, undercover agents.

Spies hide, and guard their secret identities.
Soldiers carry weapons, wear their armor. Neither are cowards.

To those still in disguise, I see you.
To those playing the long game for the best chance of success – I’m proud of you.

Your time will come, your secret is your sword.
You will know when to use it.