• Reflections,  Religious Abuse,  Spirituality

    Sorry, no grace!

    I have been encouraged by “moderate” and supposedly progressive Christians to “have grace” and “give the benefit of doubt” for Christian Trump voters. Let me take a minute to explain why that’s ridiculous and enables the problem.

    I’ve been told “Yes, Trump and right-wing policies are opposed to Christ, but most of his Christian voters meant well. They felt stuck choosing between the lesser of two evils or were unaware of some of Trump’s plans. They were doing their best with the misinformation and community pressure they’ve received.” My disagreement with this led to my being accused of seeing things through a rigid binary. Let me be clear: I value nuance, AND I see absolutely no excuse for this behavior. The world is complex, AND there is no moral gray area in supporting Trump, especially as a Christian. Excusing an antichrist agenda woven into Christendom because “they are one of us” and “didn’t mean it” is exactly how we got to where we are today.

    Project 2025 is a full-scale attack on the humanity of its victims. It is the American Holocaust and I can only hope it is stopped before the history books have to call it that.

    I understand a lot of Trump voters are stuck in an insular church bubble that feeds them a very narrow worldview. I grew up in that, so I get it. I understand that there is extreme pressure to conform and if you don’t, you lose everything. It happened to me, and it’s extremely traumatic and the cost is so high that sometimes our brains don’t let us even consider going against the grain because of how much damage we would take in the process. It’s self-preservation, I suppose.

    But isn’t that the very message we are taught in church? To take a stand even when it’s hard? To swim upstream? To be willing to sacrifice everything to do what’s right? To even give up our lives to defend what is good and true?

    I appreciate how extremely difficult it is to access accurate information in high-control religious communities. I experienced firsthand the rules aimed at prohibiting meaningful engagement in the outside world. I remember the brainwashing and fear-mongering that anyone different is trying to destroy us; the stories that I was in danger and only the church was safe. It mirrors the narrative pushed by Republicans (“The radical left is trying to destroy our country! Take America back!”).

    The similarities are no surprise when 81% of Evangelical Christians voted for Trump. I can have compassion for the challenges that abused and isolated Christians face. But the same time, I believe there are no excuses for evil (and that’s a Christian message, if I ever heard one). We are all responsible for our own actions. Casting blame on church culture or peer pressure just kicks the pebble further down the road. Culture and peers are made up of individuals, and at some point, somebody needs to take responsibility for what is happening. Actually, all of us do. We need to be willing to pay the very high cost to do the right thing. We must humbly admit the ways we have participated in and contributed to toxic church culture even under duress, and then do what we can to make it right. I think we need to ask the hard question of why church culture is often (roughly 81% of the time) so insular, misinformed and controlling in the first place.

    I’ve been reassured that it’s “not all Christians” and those who are mature in their faith can see through Trump’s rhetoric. That’s great, but it’s curious that such a small percentage of Christians have this maturity (19%) and anyone who cares about furthering the Kingdom of God should find that worth investigating.

    Call me rigid, but I believe it is a hard-to-swallow truth that no matter how well-meaning or misinformed, anyone who votes for Trump or stands idly by is directly responsible for the deaths, imprisonment, poverty, and sicknesses that will come about and I’m including my own family members in this. Without the voters this literally wouldn’t be happening right now. So yes, they’re responsible. This isn’t about right or left, but about right and wrong.

    Hold up, you say. That’s a little extreme! Responsible for deaths?

    If I’m applying Evangelicals’ own standards, yes. Binary thinking is exactly how these types of Christians view salvation. Their theology says that even though not everyone has equal access to the gospel, every person is still personally responsible for accepting what little they know about it. If they don’t, they go to hell. The “unsaved” are not afforded the excuse of misinformation or community pressure, so why should Christians be granted this leniency?

    It’s a double standard to say that Christians supporting the American Holocaust because of how they were influenced are well-meaning and God-fearing, while someone raised Muslim or Hindu with little opportunity to question it, is still wrong enough to go to hell. You can’t have it both ways. We are either responsible for our actions or we’re not.

    I get it that some Trump voters don’t like him and think they have to choose between the lesser of two evils. I personally know people who feel that way. But it should be terrifying that the majority of the American church is able to convince their followers that welcoming immigrants, providing healthcare and housing assistance, protecting the environment, and granting equal opportunity is a greater evil than the belligerent racism, sexism and classism Trump very publicly espouses. It wasn’t a secret, it wasn’t cleverly disguised; Trump’s entire platform ran on the promotion of very blatant and graphic hate. And 81% of Evangelicals, regardless of why, saw that and said “yep! That’s my leader!”

    In many ways Evangelicalism has become a political cult using religion to manipulate and control people. Religion is a very effective tool of coercion, and I do wonder how many of these leaders and influencers don’t care about Jesus and are just playing the long game for power. Billionaires know their goals are more palatable draped in “good ol’ fashioned family values”. I recommend looking up Project Russia and its relationship with religion and the similar trajectory in the US with Project 2025.

    Even if Trump is somehow stopped tomorrow, I believe there needs to be a very deep look taken at the mainstream American church and what it has become and how we have gotten here. Looking up James Dobson (Focus on the Family) and The Heritage Foundation and their political lobbying for the last 40-50 years is a good but terrifying place to start.

    I won’t give grace to Trump voters because of the gravity of consequences of those extreme right-wing ideologies. They are antithetical to Christ, they get people killed, they are fueled by hate and control and power and punishment. The pursuit of Truth is a core Christian tenet, and we don’t get to downplay our actions when we don’t do that.

    The Christian calling is to do the right thing even when it’s unpopular and traumatic. We can’t explain away our support of oppression as being a result of manipulation from community pressure and propaganda. It’s the job of Christians to see through that. We expect it from non-Christians when we ask them to go against their families, cultures, communities and everything they have ever known to follow Christ. You can’t put individual responsibility on non-believers to secure “salvation” no matter their context, and at the same time think it’s justifiable for Christians to support evil if their church tells them to.

    Besides, by Christian rhetoric access to the Holy Spirit should be more than enough of a resource to point Christians in the right direction. Because “the Holy Spirit is our conscience”, right? That’s what makes Christians morally superior to non-Christians, is “we have the Holy Spirit and they don’t”? And that’s why “we can discern the truth and they’re hopelessly lost without Christ”? Sound familiar? Yep, no excuses!

    The furthest, most extreme and controversial left-wing ideology that I can personally think of is redistribution of wealth. And it’s controversial because people would rather hoard resources than help others like Jesus tells us to do. But it’s directly Biblical with the Old Testament concept of Jubilee and Chapters 1-2 of Acts. And yet somehow it’s the radical left that endangers Christian values and the American lifestyle?

    Many Christians put politics before faith. My parents are always talking shit about Mormons. But my dad voted for Romney, who is a Mormon and my dad knew that. I asked him why he could vote for a Mormon and he said It’s because they had similar values. But then he refused to vote for Obama or Biden, both of whom are Christians and attend church regularly. Clearly, my dad and a lot of Christians like him, have greater allegiance to the Republican party than to their faith. It’s become about politics and control instead of allegiance to Christ. The latter is a justification to keep people voting for these conservative power grabs and destruction of the vulnerable.

    The way I see it, there are true Christians in the margins of American evangelicalism, but the movement as a whole is so far warped beyond its original intent. It’s a political cult now and honestly has been for a long time.

    If the American Church received one of the “Letters to the Churches” like those in Revelation, I believe it would be VERY strongly worded to the point where we’d be envious of the those who only received “will spit you out of my mouth.”

    Just look at our American “Christian Heritage”:

    See how many of our American Christian leaders endorsed the KKK or received funding from it (Billy Sunday and Bob Jones Sr did, for example).

    Bob Jones University, one of the most well-known Christian universities in our country, didn’t lift their ban on interracial relationships until they lost accreditation for it. It wasn’t out of the goodness of their hearts.

    The Southern Baptist Convention only exists because they split off from the Northern Baptists over support of slavery.

    Billy Graham, the father of Evangelicalism and responsible for roughly 90% of Baby Boomers coming to Christ, told Nixon to finish Hitler’s job and said the Civil Rights Movement had gone too far.

    James Dobson has proven ties with Paul Popenoe and promoted Eugenics and Conversion Therapy. Not to mention The Heritage Foundation and how it was a conservation political power grab under the guise of family values. They’ve been weakening our democracy for decades. Dobson also advocated for beating children and made millions off his classes and books such as “The Strong-Willed Child” which is a manual on child abuse.

    Focus on the Family knowingly interviewed fake “Ex-Muslim terrorists” to “prove” horrible things about Muslims to get Christians angry and afraid. They went out of their way to intentionally create racial tension and racially-motivated hate, for no other reason than increasing the hold they had over their followers and increase support for their evil plans.

    Moody Bible Institute was built with funds gifted from the wealthy anti-union activist Cyrus McCormick Jr., well-known for his employees being killed when striking. Yet Dwight Moody praised Cyrus’ wealth as a “gift from God”. When Reverend Fielden said it was actually a gift of unjust capitalism at the expense of the workers, he was sentenced to death while Moody continued to receive large donations from the wealthy. This is one of our most prestigious Christian Universities in our country.

    Gary Ezzo advocated for beating babies starting at 7 months, and made millions from his classes and curriculums.

    After his death, it came to light that the popular preacher and theologian Ravi Zacharias was a sexual predator and had potentially hundreds of sexual assault victims.

    John Piper, an extremely influential Evangelical theologian and author of many well-known Christian books, publicly teaches that women should submit to beatings from their husbands. The clip is readily available on YouTube if you can stomach it.

    This recap doesn’t even touch on huge sweeping Christian movements like the IBLP (watch the documentary “Shiny Happy People”) or the more contemporary Hillsong (watch the documentaries “The Secrets of Hillsong” and “Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed”). Hillsong is sung in Evangelical churches more than any other “songwriter” and is involved in multiple ongoing sexual abuse scandals and is well-known for using their tax-exempt status to make real estate investments for their wealthy leaders.

    This is just a shallow skimming of the surface of the American Evangelical movement. This is why I believe that at best, a minority of true Christians are in the margins of this movement. Unless the core of Christianity is evil, which at this point I could definitely be convinced of, then this is about power and oppression, not religion. Religion is the means to the end and anyone who cares even a little bit about Christ’s message should flee from and fight against the American Church.

    When I started taking Jesus’ teachings seriously, the church put a target on my back. When I started learning about biblical nonviolence, my best friends started distancing themselves from my “extremism”. The church can’t have “The Lord’s Army” going soft. When I started studying the first chapters of Acts and reading about intentional and sustainable community, I was screamed at for being a liberal commie. Nothing enrages Christians more than the Bible.

    This is the foundation this country is built on.

    Our history is very dark.

    There is not even the smallest amount of ethical wiggle room allowable for people who use their religion to terrorize others. So no, I do not give the benefit of doubt to Christians who voted for Trump. I hold them to their own theology. Sorry, no grace!

  • Mental Health,  Reflections,  Spirituality

    Be Present for Joy

    Joy isn’t always in the present. But it isn’t anywhere else, either.

    Joy doesn’t live in the past, or the future. This little millisecond sliding through time, splitting the future from the past is all we have. Trying to fight that kills any possibility of joy.

    I say this in the middle of extremely dark and terrifying times. It’s because of those very times that I say this.

    I would love to be in another timeline as much as the next person, but we need to stay present and try not to dissociate or long for the past or mentally speed ahead to a better future.

    I am not advocating for toxic positivity. Injustice is infuriating and rightly so. Grief and rage are warranted and needed. But we can’t live on rage alone. Without any joy, we die.

    During these dangerous and evil days, finding joy in the present often requires zooming way in, up close and looking at our day under a microscope. Zoom in on the building blocks of life that are easily missed. Zoom in to feel the warm sun on your face. Zoom in to enjoy the dew drops on a blade of grass. Zoom in to relish the tickle of curly toddler hair against your neck, their little heartbeat against your chest. Zoom in to the buzz of crickets on a still night. Zoom in to a loved one’s laugh. Zoom in to meditate on the smell of muffins in the oven or the takeout on your counter. Breathe.

    Anxieties are high. My own is through the roof. But I try my best not to let it take any more from me than is necessary. So I ground myself and try to focus on what I can control and what I love and not give up my joy voluntarily.

    There will be moment where joy is impossible or inappropriate, but don’t let them take over more than their rightful space.

    What can you find in your microscope today that could bring you a little joy?

    Sometimes joy is all we have.

  • Abuse,  Patriarchy,  Religious Abuse,  Trauma

    This is why we left.

    Church abuse survivors have already lived through the right-wing vision for America’s future. It was hell. This is why we left.

    The church is run by dictators who claim, “There is only one right way”.

    Republican Christians voted for a dictator to enforce their preferred way on an entire nation.

    This is why we left.

    The church teaches that anyone different is dangerous and should be converted or excommunicated.

    So Republican Christians didn’t bat an eye at political messages criticizing and blaming people from other cultural and economic walks of life.

    This is why we left.

    Their sermons are dangerous, especially when applied beyond church walls.

    Church leadership is chosen based on loyalty and professed beliefs, not character or skill. Incompetent and immoral people lead the flock because of who they know or what they preach, putting church members at risk.

    So, it’s only logical that Republican Christians aren’t alarmed by a presidential cabinet filled with incompetent and immoral loyalists because that has been normalized.

    This is why we left.

    The church is unwilling to listen to dissenting voices with cause for concern; they are above accountability. How dare someone question the message of God!

    Republican Christians are hard-hearted against new perspectives. Anyone who disagrees with them is lost or evil. They will support whoever signals their buzz words.

    This is why we left.

    The church is run by a bunch of powerful guys at the top, unwilling to collaborate with anyone of lower status. They “lead” by protecting each other and covering up the misdeeds of those like them. Anyone else is collateral damage.

    Republican Christians happily support politicians who have skeletons in their closet because they think, who doesn’t? Habitual church scandals have seared their conscience.

    This is why we left.

    Contrary to the mantras they scream, there is no true freedom in Christianity. The individual is dissolved into the obedient masses. No one is allowed to exist outside a very narrow ideal.

    Thus, Republican Christians aren’t worried when human rights are stripped away. A pious servant of God is emptied of themselves and has no rights; and neither should anyone else. Christians are commanded to take over the world with the gospel.

    This is why we left.

    In church, the end justifies the means. Their Bible is full of stories about God wiping out entire races of people and smiting adherents to other religions.

    Republican Christians aren’t appalled by an administration preaching straight out of the Old Testament.

    This is why we left.

    The church practices strict information control to reduce the chances of their members discovering outside knowledge or happiness that empowers them to leave.

    The natural progression of that is Republican Christians having no qualms with our nation’s education system being dismantled, as they can’t control what is taught there. Education is risky. Science threatens to prove them wrong, and diversity offers another way of life.

    This is why we left.

    The church claims to be charitable toward the poor and enjoys tax exempt status because of that claim. But they decide who is deserving of their support, and it is almost never someone who lives differently than them. If you aren’t a Christian and you are struggling, it is probably God’s wrath. They believe people who don’t follow their rules deserve punishment and suffering.

    Republican Christians have eagerly voted in an administration intent on tearing down public assistance and punishing anyone with differing beliefs. If someone enjoys lifestyle freedoms Christians can’t have, they want to make that person miserable.

    This is why we left.

    The church isn’t safe, and people are fleeing left and right.

    A country ran by Republican Christians isn’t safe, and now many people are trying to escape with their life.

    This is why we left the first time, and why we might have to leave again.

  • Reflections,  Spirituality

    The Meaning of Christmas

    Is Christmas meaningless without Christ?

    Some of my most cherished childhood memories are with my family at Christmastime. Baking cookies, decorating the tree, putting up lights, singing songs by the fire, attempting to create the longest paper chain, attending the candlelight service… It was a magical time full of fun, togetherness and deep spiritual meaning. My parents worked hard to make the Christmas season special and they succeeded. Their only crime was their misguided sincerity and loyalty to a high-control religion that sprinkled the season (and our entire lives) with toxicity.

    Christmas is meaningless without Christ, I was reminded over and over.

    It is silly for non-Christians to celebrate Christmas, I learned. Non-Christians only celebrate Christmas for the gifts or as an attempt to co-opt and sabotage sacred traditions that don’t belong to them. Non-Christians are lost, confused, and attempting to distract themselves from their own emptiness.

    Intended or not, the message many Christian children receive is that there is no value in celebrating friendships and family or warmth and light during a cold, dark season, because nothing matters except Jesus. The implication was that happiness and pleasure and love and generosity are not worth appreciating on their own; you need to tack Jesus onto everything to make it worthwhile.

    Fearful outcries warned that any celebration of Christmas not within the confines of Christianity was an attack on Christian values and truth itself.

    A narrow meaning of Christmas was drilled into my head from an early age, and I now argue it is a shallow one.

    “Apart from Christ, what’s the point of Christmas?”

    Now I can confidently say that sometimes just celebrating being alive is enough. Life and love and being together is plenty to commemorate and set aside as sacred and holy.

    The relationships that warm our hearts throughout the cold winter bring meaning and purpose I never felt while in the church. Dedicating time in our busy schedules for those who have our backs fosters a hope we only talked about in Christianity. The carefree bliss of the holidays spark a happiness I never knew when burdened with religious obligation and shame.

    The holidays are ripe with meaning for me. We too, are celebrating light in the darkness. The only difference is where we believe that light comes from – oppressive rules or warm relationships? Pious duty or radical hospitality?

    I believe the simple beauty of life is worth noticing and focusing on. That’s what makes ordinary things transcendent and extraordinary. Bright red holly berries against sparkly white snow, children’s faces lit up with glee, tasty food crackling over a fire, lending a helping hand to those in need – our response to the call to pay attention determines whether or not miracles exist.

    There is so much to love about life even in dark and uncertain times; there is always hope if we are willing to nurture it. Isn’t that what the Christmas Story is all about? Choosing to seek out, interact with and celebrate the existence of light and love and hope no matter the circumstances. This is innately human and sacred and good.

    And to me, that is the beautiful meaning of Christmas.

  • Patriarchy,  Religious Abuse

    81%

    81%

    That’s how many Evangelical Christians voted for Trump. Both times.

    “Not all Christians”, sure, but most of them. 8 out of 10.

    I was a Progressive Christian for a long time after walking away from most of what the American church had to offer. But eventually I realized the parts I had to leave behind to maintain my authenticity and morality far outnumbered the parts I could carry with me. I had to admit it made more sense to drop the label and toxic associations all together.

    There was grief that came with that. Discovering the church’s true colors felt like a betrayal from my culture and community of origin that I had poured so much of myself into.

    And then came years of vulnerably sharing my story to be met with “you just had a bad experience”, “not all Christians”, “God didn’t hurt you, people did”, “Christians aren’t perfect”.

    Most survivors are well acquainted with the experience of being invalidated and disbelieved, over and over and over again.

    But as horrific as the recent election results are for religious trauma survivors, people with disabilities, minorities, the working class, immigrants, and truly the entire nation and world, it also served to validate survivors. It proves our stories correct. We weren’t overreacting or exaggerating. Statistics show that Trump won because of white evangelical votes. Plain and simple, if it weren’t for Christians, a man who ran his entire platform on hate and prejudice would not be president. American Christianity really is that terrible.

    “But, but…” You can say all you want to about the minority of Christians and my response will be the same:

    81%!

    THIS is what most Christians stand for. THIS is what survivors lived through. THIS is why we left. THIS is what we’ve been talking about for years. The election results prove what American Christianity has become, or maybe what it was all along.

    Trump says the quiet part out loud; and doesn’t know how to stop saying it. We have video evidence of Trump and his followers openly degrading people because they aren’t male, or they aren’t white, or they aren’t wealthy. These same values are what Christians heard and thought “Yep, that’s my leader!”

    Statistics prove that 81% of American Christians support Trump’s hatred toward people of color, his sexual abuse of women and his disregard for their health, his greed and oppression of low-income families, his prejudice against the sick and disabled and his, his sexualization of children, his active harm toward immigrants…

    Right now the nation is getting a public snapshot of the inside of the church walls, a sneak peak at what’s behind closed doors. But survivors have been lifting the curtain for decades, telling the horrors of sexual abuse, oppressive gender roles, financial misconduct, corporal punishment, shame, high control, fear-mongering, the list goes on.

    Until recent years, it has been easy for Christians to hide their character under the mask of “patriotism” and “family values”, but now it’s all out there, thanks to Trump and his campaign.

    Thanks to the election, we have cold hard proof that 81% of Christians support someone whose followers have been recorded saying women shouldn’t be able to vote. 81% of Christians welcome the leadership of someone who publicly sexualizes children. 81% of Christians celebrate a convicted criminal rising to power as long as he maintains and protects their agendas. 81% of Christians stand with a man who promises to tear apart families because of where they were born, and declares a need for military and police violence on anyone who believes differently. In today’s media-centric digital world, ignorance is not a valid excuse.

    This election has proven that Christians care more about enforcing prayer rituals in school than they do about feeding hungry school children. They care more about the hemline of a woman’s skirt than they do about those shivering without a winter coat. They care more about stockpiling deadly weapons than they do about preventing the murder of children. And above all, they want to be the ones to decide who is worthy – to live in a decent neighborhood or make a living wage or receive quality healthcare or live in their country. Somehow Christians themselves always make the cut, but I guess that’s easy when designing your own morals.

    Christians preach not to worry because God is in control and he has a plan – “give it all to God” they say and in the next breath spread fear and cling to control; “We must stop this attack on traditional values!” they cry. “Get ready for battle! We must win this war against our way of life!” The Christian agenda has always been different than their declared beliefs. It’s about control first, and punishment second, for anyone they can’t control.

    Christians say this world isn’t their home, they are just passing through, and yet they are desperate to customize the entire world to their exact specifications.

    Christians say salvation must come from freewill and a genuine confession of faith and yet they try to force everyone to live religiously by legislating Christian law.

    Christians say it is God’s place to judge, and yet their entire platform is based on identifying and beating the “bad guys” and punishing anyone who dares disagree.

    Christians say they must defend their faith even to the point of death, and yet they sign their lives away to a candidate identical to the antichrist.

    Christian theology teaches that the world will inevitably become less and less Christian as time goes on, and yet they still fight tooth and nail against losing their place as the majority. What about God having a plan?

    Appealing to Christians’ empathy for human suffering is a lost cause. They applaud suffering as long as it affects those who are different, because they believe we deserve eternal damnation and we have it coming to us. Why should they care about our quality of life when they believe we are about to be thrown into a well-deserved lake of fire? Why should they work hard or make sacrifices so nonbelievers can be temporarily happy before their impending doom? “It’s all gonna burn anyway, so who cares?”

    If any Christians reading this feel defensive or misrepresented, remember – 81% of you voted for Trump. We have statistics to prove what your religion stands for. You can’t argue numbers. If you don’t like being represented by the majority of the community you pledge allegiance to, maybe it’s time to leave.