Reflections
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The Only Way
Can we save our country and our world?
First we have to understand what’s going on, and why; how long these mindsets and values have been festering under the surface and how much of it we have inside us. Knowledge is power. We need to know how we are being controlled, who is doing the controlling, and take a long hard look at all of the ways in which we have been indoctrinated.
Next we need to study and learn who our real enemies are; what is the origin and extent of their power over us, how they maintain it, and what are it’s limits. Then we can act by doing what we can to live outside of those limits. There is no solution on the large scale. We can’t eradicate all evil, we can’t create utopia. That false hope might be partly what got us here.
If we are motivated by saving the world or even our country we’ll probably fail. But we can save ourselves and the nice lady at the bus stop and the man we pass on the street corner every day; the coworker we don’t really talk to, the neighbor we’ve lived next to for years; if we can see their humanity and share in it together.
“The light in me sees and honors the light in you.” I need you and you need me. Today we choose interdependence. We can save ourselves by carving out a community of reliance on relationships, not money, not “the system”. We choose joy by sharing resources and being present in the simple pleasures of life, not chasing the American Dream.
We’ll have to give up a lot to live outside the cage they’ve put us in, but it’s the only way.
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Credit to my dear friend Phillipe Kenny for inspiring this piece with his wise words on finding hope and moving forward.
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Be Present for Joy
Joy isn’t always in the present. But it isn’t anywhere else, either.
Joy doesn’t live in the past, or the future. This little millisecond sliding through time, splitting the future from the past is all we have. Trying to fight that kills any possibility of joy.
I say this in the middle of extremely dark and terrifying times. It’s because of those very times that I say this.
I would love to be in another timeline as much as the next person, but we need to stay present and try not to dissociate or long for the past or mentally speed ahead to a better future.
I am not advocating for toxic positivity. Injustice is infuriating and rightly so. Grief and rage are warranted and needed. But we can’t live on rage alone. Without any joy, we die.
During these dangerous and evil days, finding joy in the present often requires zooming way in, up close and looking at our day under a microscope. Zoom in on the building blocks of life that are easily missed. Zoom in to feel the warm sun on your face. Zoom in to enjoy the dew drops on a blade of grass. Zoom in to relish the tickle of curly toddler hair against your neck, their little heartbeat against your chest. Zoom in to the buzz of crickets on a still night. Zoom in to a loved one’s laugh. Zoom in to meditate on the smell of muffins in the oven or the takeout on your counter. Breathe.
Anxieties are high. My own is through the roof. But I try my best not to let it take any more from me than is necessary. So I ground myself and try to focus on what I can control and what I love and not give up my joy voluntarily.
There will be moment where joy is impossible or inappropriate, but don’t let them take over more than their rightful space.
What can you find in your microscope today that could bring you a little joy?
Sometimes joy is all we have.
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Why Me?
Why me?
Why was I the one who got away?
Was I somehow special?
Was I just lucky to be exposed to a different viewpoint? No…I’ve seen others presented with the same information and respond differently.
So…Why me?Why me?
Why did I leave?
Was I different from birth?
Is there something in my genetics that makes me question everything? Something that makes me less likely to follow blindly? No… my sister has the same genetics and she continues to dive deeper in.
So…why me?
Why me?
Why did I have the epiphanies?
Did an outside force change me along the way?
Did something happen in my childhood that made me realize something wasn’t right? No… My sibling and I shared most of the same childhood experiences and I’m the only black sheep.
So…why me?
Why me?
Why did I wake up to the inconsistencies, harsh judgments and lies?
Am I more compassionate? Certainly more than some, but no… that’s not it – I know plenty of compassionate, misguided people.
So…why me?Why me?
Why did I learn to think for myself when I was trained not to, and the cost was so incredibly high?
Am I wiser? Bestowed upon by the Spirit? No…that doesn’t seem right. I’ve seen many people ask God for wisdom, yet come away with different conclusions.
So…why me?
Why me?
Why did I rebel when I was always so obedient before?
Was I chosen? By whom? No…I doubt it. Certainly there are others more capable who could have been called out and enlightened. Those with more bravery, charisma, charm…
So…why me?
Why me?
Why did I escape?
Where did I find the strength to willingly lose everything? How did I gain the resolve to pick apart my entire reality? Perhaps I was equipped by the God I was accused of rejecting. But no…It doesn’t make sense for God to rescue me and not the others.
So…why me?Why me?
Why was I given a second chance at life, even while I was so narrow-minded? Where did I learn to start again from scratch?
Am I following my true calling now? No…I’m not doing anything grand – just taking care of myself and my loved ones and trying to be happy.
So…why me?
Why me?
Why do I now have this life I call my own?
Why do I get to finally say I am safe? Scarred and broken, but free?
Was it just some random happenstance? A meaningless coincidence? No…I feel a sense of purpose deep in my bones, and though my life isn’t impressive somehow it is still enough. Back then, I was never enough.
So…why me?
Am I special?
Am I lucky?
Am I different?
Am I chosen?
Am I called?
I will never know
I will always wonder
Why me?